I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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