in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
