i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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