I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize