Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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