And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
