why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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