Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You dont lie about slip and slides
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
do nipples grow back?
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