btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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