I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
