hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
is that a dick in a sweater?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
