She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
if i can run in heels then i can drive
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
