So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize