Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
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