I cannot find my penis.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
