The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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