I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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