Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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