please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
