This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize