So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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