it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
