I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
