If i come over, it means nothing
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
