I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize