i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
