I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
