Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
