Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Nicole vs. Life
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
ugly people sure do ruin things
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
