i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Randomize
