How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
