took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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