sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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