you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
