My room smells like vodka and shame
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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