I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
