i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
