She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
