did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
