Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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