1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
