Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Then you guys just all showered together...?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
