Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I need mimosas to revive my soul
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize