He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
