I just cut my nipple shaving
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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