And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
