i think my mom watched the whole time
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
