you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
