Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
