fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
