you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
