Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
