Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
