Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
