I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
