its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
