So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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