The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
