hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize