you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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