Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
