I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
