So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
