that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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