In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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