how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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