Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Four minutes until I can fart!
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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