She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
