what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
