I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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