just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Randomize
