I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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