Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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