Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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