We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
