You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
