I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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