Ambien. No doubt about it.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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