she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Found your dick twin last night
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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