you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
